I came across this quote today in some reading from Where Resident Aliens Live, the companion volume by Hauerwas and Willimon. In the chapter, “Practice Discipleship”, they are commenting on the fact that “people often lie most readily in marriage exactly because they fear losing the intimacy they have achieved to that point… . That is why we Christians assert that marriages must be sustained by more fundamental practices than simply how they enrich the interpersonal relationship between two people. Marriage is subservient to discipleship. Our marriages are ultimately significant only as a means of supporting each of us in our ministry, including the ministries of childrearing, conversion of the young, protection of the old. We think marriage is a place where Christians are able to be truthful with one another because marriage is more determinative than their immediate feelings.
“Whether Christians in their marriages can be truthful depends on marriage not being isolated from the community. Christians are asked to have their marriages witnessed before before the whole community where that community can hold them to promises they made when they didn’t know what they were doing. How could you ever know what you were doing when you promised another to be faithful for a lifetime? But we know we can risk telling one another the truth, since the bond of marriage is more determinative than our personal satisfaction at any one time. That allows Christians to be married with joy” (85-86).